Psalm 106

How I have shaken my fist, how I have grumbled, doubted, made idols and forgotten what you have done.

Thank you that I may lay myself at your feet, that your son's blood washes me white, and that He  himself reaches out His hand and says, "your sins are no more."

I am in the desert.  And though I do not know what God has for me, He promises to work out all things  for the good of those who love Him Romans 8:28.  My choice is to believe or to doubt.

Praise the Lord that He has brought me to this place.  For it is here, that the Lord himself revealed His might to His people.  It is here, that His provision protected their livelihood. It is here, that He showed them how He wanted them to live and it is here, in the nothingness, that He displayed His love and faithfulness towards them.

The promised land was already given, but in His timing it's unwrapping would come.

Lord, I confess my focus on the healing of us.  Whether it is to come or not, the beauty of your presence, sustenance and love could be lost by my grumbling, fear, doubt and forgetfulness. Whoever watched the wind will not plant; whoever looks at the clouds will not reap.  Ecclesiastes 11:4 

So may this be an alter of remembrance and praise.  Thank you, that you allowed me to be welcome at RH Orange and at CFT.  Thank you, that you have begun to restore my family, my relationship with my father and mother.  Thank you, that a number of girls at CFT have inquired about you because of the witness you have allowed me to be through this.  Thank you, that you put me on the heart of a missionary friend across the world, at the very time of our split, and that she reached out within the minute of me calling out to you in desperation.  Thank you, that you have filled me with your Holy Spirit, my mouth with praise and laughter and with moments of complete joy and trust.  Thank you, that you are showing me your abundant love for me, through; emotional healing, new friendships, roommates, worship, crossfit and with continued prayer from others.  Thank you, that I can have hope for us- but that it's outcome is in your hands, and it is good.

So as I wait, in the desert, for the fulfillment of your promises, David's hope in your faithfulness shall be mine, and I shall choose to learn of who you are and begin to live like a child who knows the father is for her!

I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go; I will counsel you with my loving eye on you Psalm 32:8 and Let the morning bring me word of your unfailing love, for I have put my trust in you.  Show me the way I should go, for to you I entrust my life Psalm 143:8.