Time does a wonder on a woman.
Eradicate: [adjective] (of a tree or plant) depicted with the roots exposed. ORIGIN late Middle English (in the sense 'pull up by the roots'): from Latin eradicat- 'torn up by the roots.'
This image does a work for me. Honestly, I see myself in this position without my securities from this past commitment to a relationship.
Post-Jonathan lifestyle has been like a funny shuffling around myself.
I keep coming back to this tree of me to visit the memories--my hands are grasping for a way to climb up her, my hands are searching as far they can reach around her while looking for low branches.
Someone's watching me from another hilltop as my small hands struggle and silently mime their way across the face of this tall standing tree.
It's as if I'm standing blind. I try looking away from this tree of me for a while, but my neck is liable to turn back and run to the closeness of comforts.
Somewhere in the midst of my thoughts, long-gone and miles away, I find myself turning my head once more--to turn away or towards is to be determined-- and instead I find the warm earth beneath my cheek. It's as if my world has been flipped on it's own side.
I feel as if my eyes are startled open by the fact that I have been lying on my side in the soft grass this entire time. I am looking up from a dream of deja vu and really see this tree of me.
The limbs I tried to climb and the memories I searched for, seemingly endlessly, from this beautifully fallen oak are horizontal to the ground.
The earth I thought I stood on, the earth I thought I was jumping from to reach my own branches, became the earth that I lay still and fetal with fits of waving arms, beating arms, grasping arms. Apparently my elbows have been digging divots in the dirt around me without my notice.
How irreverent of them.
I keep coming back to this tree of me to visit the memories--my hands are grasping for a way to climb up her, my hands are searching as far they can reach around her while looking for low branches.
Someone's watching me from another hilltop as my small hands struggle and silently mime their way across the face of this tall standing tree.
It's as if I'm standing blind. I try looking away from this tree of me for a while, but my neck is liable to turn back and run to the closeness of comforts.
Somewhere in the midst of my thoughts, long-gone and miles away, I find myself turning my head once more--to turn away or towards is to be determined-- and instead I find the warm earth beneath my cheek. It's as if my world has been flipped on it's own side.
I feel as if my eyes are startled open by the fact that I have been lying on my side in the soft grass this entire time. I am looking up from a dream of deja vu and really see this tree of me.
The limbs I tried to climb and the memories I searched for, seemingly endlessly, from this beautifully fallen oak are horizontal to the ground.
The earth I thought I stood on, the earth I thought I was jumping from to reach my own branches, became the earth that I lay still and fetal with fits of waving arms, beating arms, grasping arms. Apparently my elbows have been digging divots in the dirt around me without my notice.
How irreverent of them.
I don't need to mention the fact that the biggest burden to bear of this tree of me was the sight of the vast, giant and glorious hidden limbs. It is such a strange sight to see yourself in this way. What was beneath the surface had become the most sensational and engulfing presence. What was hidden had come to light. Their expanse was remarkable on that new end, while the branches I had come to know so well, the ones I climbed over and over and over, the ones I hid beneath in it's canopy of memories and routine, had become swallowed by the newfound glory of revelation. This tree of me was drastically eradicated (eradicated as in the verb, destroyed completely; put an end to).
Now I see what I always knew was created as a bedrock within me.
Now I see what I always knew was created as a bedrock within me.
Today marks the 32nd day of this sprint of intentionality with the self. I feel today like I have been lifted out from the ground by the roots and shaken. Not shaken for an infraction of sorts but to be loosened, to be set right-side-up.
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